Throughout my life, I have written poetry.  Or at least tried.  I have been doing it since I was in high school.  At first it was to impress girls.  Since then it has morphed into a kind of relaxation and a way for me to personally understand the world around me. 

It is rare that I allow other people to read them.  Usually it’s a girlfriend or my sister.  She also is afflicted with this writers quandary.  She is so much more talented than I though. 

On my resent trip west, I wrote some rhymes.  I have discovered that I no longer care to hide these words from you.  I don’t care anymore if they sound silly or get mocked.  I wrote them for me, not for you.  At the same token I wish to share them.  So here you go people. 

The writings of the Josh Man.

tail of the dragon

by: JDG

My quest for understanding

Has taken me to this place

Distracted by my surroundings

I begin pursuing the chase

Like a whore searching for desire

I follow the Dragons fiery face

All the while dancing on this wire

Spinning and teetering from grace

Indulging in human temptation

Before long, off to the race

What started as simple exploration

Was killing me at a regular pace

My quest for understanding

Will take me from this place

Still distracted by surroundings

I await the end of my chase

Self control is non-responsive

I begin to depart from grace

Compounded by my will to live

Taking vitamins just in case

Seemingly deteriorating by choice

Full of ignorance and disgust

Less jaded with my inner voice

I find parts of me that I can trust

Along my quest for understanding

I came across a deceptive place

No longer distracted by my surroundings

I can comfortably stare into the dragons face

So now happily and forever

I am taken from that place

Wanting to return never

Realize the end of my chase

In the back of my mind, I knew all along

Experience breeds knowledge

Its necessary for me to be wrong

Before we can move on

My quest for understanding

Proven again as hero of the day

Is always eternally searching

For that one better way

hiding behind the flame

by: JDG

Learning and searching for that one better way,

Takes me away from this terrible place.

Hope and despair felt at the very same time,

Drives me insane, so further I climb.

Empty of reason,

My mouth commits treason,

And I spend my time,

Correcting myself.

For reasons that I can not explain,

I pull myself back into the flame.

Could it be that I am insane?

To have this torture and all of the blame.

Void of discussion,

My mind feels concussions,

And I spend my time,

Sedating myself.

Killing my soul and killing my drive,

With every single low-down fucking lie

Contempt for myself for which I strive

I accomplish by getting really high.

Absent of purpose,

My body is weary,

And I spend my time,

Unsure of myself.

My life keeps on rollin through

Seemingly without a clue.

I sit here in front of you,

Not fucking sure what to do.

Empty of reason,

My mouth commits treason,

And I spend my time,

Correcting myself.

Void of discussion,

My mind feels concussions,

And I spend my time,

Sedating myself.

Absent of purpose,

My body is weary,

And I spend my time,

Unsure of myself.

old woman on a bench

by: JDG

At first touch, the park bench was hard chilled metal.  The crisp autumn breeze moved through the park with reckless abandon.  She stood there alone for a minute or two.  Gazing out onto the rolling grass hills covered by the canopy of a dozen huge oak trees.  Her heart began to tremble and she was flooded with warm memories.  Jezebel had been here many times before.  When she was younger, much, much younger.  Her Grandpa Joe brought her and her brother here every summers day for an entire childhood.  For eight magical years.  School would suspend for the summer.  She and her brother would spend every day instead with Grandpa Joe.  Returning to school that fall was always a sad event.  They would still see him of course.  But it wasnt the same.  It wasnt as free like in the park.

The cold, black park she was now looking at couldnt have been the same place, she thought.  Today it seemed to be run down and in disrepair.  The playground was littered with graffiti.  What once was an immense array of swings and slides and climbing apparatuses, now sat bare and vandalized.  Only a single swing remained in tact.  Under it lays a muddy puddle filled by this mornings rain.  It had been thirty-six years since Jezebel had been on that swing.  Such a long time ago. 

The huge oak trees fought the test of time well.  Still dominating the sky and providing shade unto the entire park.  The marry-go-round her little brother Bobby fell from so many times before, now lay lop sided.  Unable to spin in either direction, covered rust and local hoodlums spray paint.  Next to the disheveled marry-go-round lay her favorite place in the park.  The bench Grandpa Joe used to read stories to her brother and her.  The bench faces east and looks out upon the sprawling landscape.  It seemed smaller than before, everyone says that though.  Jezabelle understood that things you see as a child and then see as an adult, always seemed smaller.  Your perspective changes.  The world becomes smaller over time.  After a while the short fun days turn long, tedious and monotonous.  The exact polar opposite from those summer days here with Grandpa Joe.  Days filled with adventure and discovery.  Complete joy and happiness.  The mystery of tree climbing and sandcastles are revealed in a place like this. 

Well, they used to be.  Jezebel was fifty-one years old now.  She hadnt seen Grandpa Joe or this park since she was fifteen.  Somehow, his death had tainted this place for her.  Why ever return without the man that made it so great.  Seventy-eight years was a good run.  He lived a full life, but knowing that never took away the pain.  Jezebel had recently become a grandmother and she began to ponder her own worth as a grand parent.  During her thoughts, she came across a natural conclusion.  In fact a comparison.  Comparison to the best grandparent she had ever known.  Grandpa Joe.  A goal to strive for and a code of excellence far surpassing her current lifes mission.  She decided that day that she would be every bit as important to her new grandbaby as Grandpa Joe was to her. 

What a gay story.  Sometimes I can't find an ending, so I make up a really lame one. 

we are you and you are us

by: JDG

Anger, rage, contempt and furry.

Ignite a hatred you've tried to burry.

Deep inside this cave that the humans paved,

I stand alone by myself, unable to behave.

You see, my mind is adrift and crazed with evil.

To most I seem quite odd, strange or even feeble.

But you should know my thoughts are abstract

And filled with questions of who to attack.

We are you and you are us,

Dont we have all your trust?

Pay close attention to this path,

Or we might just kick your ass.

Ugly and oblivious, I walk through the fire,

People all around me shout my name with desire.

You think I'm here for your amusement; for your laughs,

Keep telling yourself that while youre kissing my ass.

My existence is oh so simple and bitter sweet.

You see, I am here to wean you from your teat.

Without my services you would continue on,

Gaining ignorance with fear until forever gone.

We are you and you are us

Dont we have all your trust?

Pay close attention to the path,

Or we might just kick our ass.

While you comfort your family, the truth eludes you

The evil inside me was created by you, its nothing new.

But until my voice has been properly digested,

I supposed your time will be poorly invested.

For I am a special kind of mirror that looks unto you.

Its your face peering back with nothing you can do.

Leave my ugliness be and go about your way,

If not, I assure you your soul will pay.

passing judgment on everyone but ourselves

by: JDG

Shadowed by my morals,

I set out to destroy.

Completely understanding,

That I am just a boy.                                                           

Pulling down the masses of man,

Scorching them into ashes and sand.

Coy and alone, my mind grows cold.

Thirsting for truth, thirsting for gold.

Often I preach of hope with insanity,

Only to find out Ive forgotten humanity.

With conviction I say leave it at the door.

All that stupid shit, I have seen it before.

Shadowed by my morals,

I set out to destroy.

Completely understanding,

That I am just a boy.

Still searching for that one bold soul.

One I can hold strong until I am old.

Coming to realize that Im surly needing something more,

The tears in my eyes sear my brow into gruesome gore.

More time with my family, more time with my friends.

More long talks about shit that I cant comprehend.

Dreaming full of fright for a possible end.

Hoping the road gets smooth round the bend.

Shadowed by my morals,

I set out to destroy.

Completely understanding,

That I am just a boy.

If I dont push my brain deep into this flame,

Aint no-body else coming to ease my pain.

I slither away in my skin full of dope.

Hiding and lying and unable to cope.

You should pity all of us ignorant fucks,

Who cant wait to make our next fucking buck.

Bucks that spend like hellish guilt,

Foaming with the hate that evil built.

Shadowed by my morals,

I set out to destroy.

Completely understanding,

That I am just a boy.

answers

by: JDG

So its been ten years.  Already it has passed.  Life seems to be such a melancholy sort of affairs.  But the simple low down dirtiness of it all keeps me up at night.  Keeps me wondering about the future.  About the past.  I sit here and contemplate the boy I was and the man I could have been.  The man I have turned out to be.  The man I envision myself to be in the future.  I still, twenty-seven years in, have few more answers than I did at seventeen.  Life seems to keep on chugging.  With or without me.  Personally I am ready for the next stop.  The problem I seem to have is placement.  Where exactly do I belong?  And when does the agony of not knowing rid itself from me?  Or does it?

The past is a funny and ridiculous thing.  I both regret and I relish it.  I am glad to be away, yet wish I were back.  Back to that simpler time.  An easier way.  I always daydream about taking what I know now and go back to past blunders.  In an attempt, I suppose, to convince myself that I have made progress.  That I have grown.  Its been happening for years now.  I want to fix things.  All things.  Make them right.  But who is to say the me of now is even competent enough to do so?  It seems an eternity, since I was that way.  Yet, every day I find out, I havent really changed at all.  When will I grow up?  Now?  Shit.  Time flies like Im having fun, but Im not.  Thats part of the problem, I suppose.  I am bored, restless and uninterested.  Unchallenged in a way that makes me feel as if I am simply wasting away.  In my boredom, I have become lazy and lethargic.  Full to the brim with excuses.  Is that really me?  Is this what I am?  In my mind I am so much more.  Perhaps I have just diluted the facts.  Perhaps I am just a liar.  Perhaps the delusions in my head are holding back the potential.  Perhaps there is no answer and I am simply wasting time.

What really bugs me is how I act around these people that I "used to know".  These old high school chums or ex-girlfriends or old co-workers.  I am so distant.  So fake.  I would rather not speak with you than risk you seeing me.  God forbid you might want to strike up a conversation.  I am truly an anti-social fool.  Ridiculous and full of excess.

It is as if life is a puzzle.  I was born with twenty-five pieces and have gathered another fifty or so along the way.  I can see some sort of a picture, but cant quite make out the image.  It seems as if I am about half way there.  Just another 75 or so pieces and I will know the truth.  I will truly understand.  Every year that passes, I discover more.  I understand myself a little more.  I understand the people around me a little more.  But at the end of the day, I am still far far away from where I want to be.  Where I need to be.  Far away and alone.  Alone without the answers, but full of questions.  Perhaps my understanding is meant to be postponed.  My heart aches and my soul burns for the truth.  For the end of the agony.  Inner peace in an elusive day dream that just doesnt seem real.

seattle sun

by: JDG

Seattle sun is on my mind

A contradiction in terms

I'm sure you'll find.

But even in its darkest hour

This cities sun shines bright

And fills its people with power

At first glance it seems

To be a long forgotten

Dirty little dream.

Images fill my mind

And keys that unlock

The locks of time.

In the Seattle sun I hope to find

Peace and happiness

For myself and mankind

Each and every time I cry

Another piece of the Seattle sun

Becomes clear as it flies by

Everyday that passes I hear the clock

I see the storm and feel the shock

The fog has lifted and the rain has stopped

I can clearly see the mountains today

They call to me as if to say,

Get your ass out here and play

taken away

by: JDG

A sleep wrecked week full of agitation

Forces my mind to play tricks of consciouseness

Until the day I find your empty slumber

And I am taken away

An ignorant blunder of massive proportions

Takes me months to fully comprehend

All the mistakes I have left for me

And I am taken away

Sacrificing wisdom for todays pleasure

Keeps me sedated and oblivious

With healthy ambitions, I surrender

And I am taken away

Before long you'll want to show me

All your cheap and dirty tapestries

For which I cling to and obey silently

And I am taken away

A fortress of desire, held by Iron Gate

Full of keys made of Spanish innuendoes

I begin to see your foolish games

And I am taken away

With quiet insanity, I continue unnoticed

Floating in and out of your mad little world

Your ugliness assaults and washes over me

And I am taken away

Your less than adequate demeanor

Forces my mind to play tricks of consciousness

Until the day I uncover your deceptive ways

And I am taken away

I continue a path of continual ignorance

Every time I dream or think of your being

Careless with my heart I throw it out again

And I am taken away

kill it

by: JDG

Shanty towns filled with wonder

Purposely trying to suck me under

So I will be able to see the blunder

Of all you fucking red neck hunters

macho ass hole

by: JDG

Suck it up, be a man

Kill that snake, I know you can

Stop your crying, before you get it

Women tear up, men dont let it

Can't you see those other boys?

Swinging fists and making noise

Be like them or face the facts

You're a homo getin smacked

Hit that ass, sit up straight

Real men dont masturbate

Pummel and destroy before they get you

Need a dress Nancy boy, How about blue?

Damn it man, face the music

Walk it off but don't abuse it

Piss on this half-assed rhyme

Supposed to show that over time

Men are programmed to be pigs

But both men and women get their digs

And perpetuate our macho bull shit

Without even being aware of it

Smarten up ass-hole and ass-hole-ette

If not, we're all doomed, I would bet

going to court

by: JDG

Lost and floating

My insides turn out

Feelings of insecurity

Make me want to pout

Hearing my name called

For reasons made clear to me

Brings me to the brink

Of all out insanity

Mistakes made in the past

Will never be undone

And bring future danger

On webs already spun

Patiently waiting

Pacing up and down

Until a path is worn

That leads me from town

My judgment is had

Sentence is just

Walk out the building

A man you can trust

good sex

by: JDG

What I have to tell you is important

You see, I dont feel you anymore

Seems as if our lives have become

A locked door filled with whores

Sex and the act has always been

Something you and I could do

It's the rest of the time, I find

You don't have a fucking clue

It has become apparent to me

Our relationship is compromised

Immaturity filled with ignorance

A role you've successfully reprised

I don't mean to sound harsh

But the situation is bleak

I must deny your application

Even if you're fun cheek to cheek

You see, I've been here before

I've been seduced by her beauty

Only to find her beauty is covering up

A ruthless bitch thats cold and snooty

So goodbye to you my good time lover

Your skin I will never be able to forget

Call me when you grow up sometime

Later in life when you're much less inept

now

by: JDG

The thought of your tears fills my soul with sadness.

For me to imagine your perfect face somber and sad.

The face I used to get lost in.

Twisted and covered in tears.

I can't have that.  Or at least I didn't used to.

You have such an amazing smile.

An amazing little smile filled with wicked little lies.

You hurt me more than any other woman ever has.

Bamboozled, rug pulled from beneath my feet.

It was hard at first to leave your amazing smile, but I got here.

Now I've come to say goodbye.

my preacher friend

by: JDG

With a swagger that makes me still

You come from across the tracks

Telling me of the Lord and his Son

All I can think to tell you is relax

You press on in a way that is ok

Then burst into my field of vision

All the while completely unaware

Of our massive future collision

In a tone that you take lightly

I consume your spectrum of good

Then overpower your insanity

Just like any truth teller should

Ultimately you feel betrayed

You feel abused and denied

Then realize I speak the truth

So you're naked, unable to hide

In the end, in the time that always comes

When you say that last and final goodbye

You will see the vision that I have

But its too late and passes you by

message to god

by: JDG

So which truth is real:

The one I preach and feel,

or that one the others deal?

I am here for appeal.

I want the truth for real.

Do I really have to kneel?

Is that part of the deal?

I need religion to heal,

to tell me how to feel?

There's no one behind the wheel

but you've got lots of zeal.

I think you should kneel,

til your knees bleed and heal.

Then realize the end of the deal.

In which you pay for your meal

And dont continue to steal

our minds with your phony shpeal.

the daytime follies of an insomniac
by: JDG

The cold, dark time between the days light,
Brings me chills and keeps me awake.
Mother is away helping the rest of the world,
And I am here alone, unable to behave.

Soon the horizon starts to glitter and shine,
I know she’s on her way, back here to stay.
The dew begins to drip and drop to the dirt,
Before long it all dries and melts away.

After my chunk of Earth is properly warmed,
My day begins with spirited gallops.
Soft blades of Bermuda slide between my toes,
And I am surly in a place like Heaven.

Without a care to be had, I saunter down to rivers edge,
Gliding and sliding as if I were a ghost.
Taking in the brisk northbound breeze with ease,
My mind is at peace and my heart is still.

The rushing of the water soothes my inner self,
Relaxed in a waterfront chair, I slip into a nap.
Dreaming of a blue and white ocean full of light,
My face is warmed from the perfection of the universe.

My only true mother glides across the sky unknowingly,
Casting shadows on my chair and leaving me cold.
Until I move downstream and back into her graces,
Only to find another slumber filled oasis ready to be had.

It seems like just a couple of hours ago she came,
How fast the days drift by, it’s hard to take it all in.
Escaping to the west, her last warm breaths follow,
Again I am alone in the bitter cold darkness.

morning coffee with ruthless kathy

by: JDG

I come here to wake up; to find my days groove

Your abrasive attitude sets me straight and right

You are an example of how not to treat people

And I am wiser for having you serve me all these years

With a voice that is more nasal than happy

You bring me my coffee and my bagel

As you walk away I curse you under my breath

Even if you heard me, you're not the type to care

Your day is filled with inconvenience and hate

Everyone is in your way and here to irritate, you

Entitlement and delusions of grandeur fill your black heart

And I sit back, watching the train wreck that is your day

If the coffee was'nt so tasteless, you might have it beat

The ignorant way you huff and puff makes you look the fool

All I can imagine is how empty your life must be

Full of screams and fights; with no end in sight

So here's to you, coffee server from Sycamore Avenue

Without you I might have wronged someone today

As usual, your gloom and doom attitude gives me reference

The rest of my day I will attempt to act the opposite of you

what

by: JDG

What is love,

What is pain,

What makes me, me.

What ventures will I see

What power the sun beams,

What influence the moon spreads,

What grace the horizon has, to me.

What places can we venture to

What brings happiness,

What causes laughter,

What has society become,

What can restore it.

evangelistic republicans getting saved

by:JDG

To all the sheep:

What is wrong with us,

Why do we need to follow,

Why is that such a need?

Why do we have to be hand fed?

I believe in government,

I believe in freedom and rights,

I do not believe in religion.

I see the plus... but also the minus.

Why can't we have a community,

Why can't we have a meeting house,

Why can't we all be happy and social,

Without the house of worship?

There is more sentiment than ever before,

Most grown adults clearly understand,

There is no mysterious ghost in the sky,

Making our decisions, making us be "good"

For the rest of us:

Grow up, be real, getting saved is easy:

Accept yourself as the sole responsibly

of all your very own little actions.

Keep Jesus out of this, he's dead.

To claim that accepting Jesus Christ

Made you a better person is ludicrous.

Putting all your confidence in a ghost

Is a cowards' way out of accepting fault.

I am by no means perfect

But I have a clean heart

And a sharp enough mind to tell you all:

Religion is a Farce

Believe in what you want

You have the right, as you should

But really...can we stop with all

The Republican Bible Beaters calling all the shots?

I mean really, where have all the sane people gone?

(please don't send me hate mail, this is what I feel, if you don't like it, simply move on...would Jesus send hate mail?)

Waiting on the Lottery

The last poem ever written

to my foolish dreams

waiting on the lottery
by: JDG


Wanting and wishing, Holding and kissing
I know the things out there that I am missing

Things left undone, kill this first son
Every time he loses when he could have won

Sole responsibility without agility
My poor decisions are going to kill me

Memories bring me to a state of confusion
Awake from a dream and still see illusions

All the in and out and outs and ins
Decisions of gin wash away my sins

When it finally hits, then I gets
All the ability to hedge all my bets

But it never comes, with everydays sun
I am forever and eternally bummed

Because that sweet, oh so sweet treat
I see it dangling there, radiant with heat

They say it’s bad, never to be had
I say without it, I'll go mad